Hi friends.
I have a bit of a heavy heart today. I'm struggling with fairness and justice. I'm struggling with demanding my rights and my own way. God sees and He knows. My oldest son is not my husbands blood born baby, but he has taken Tatum in his heart and been such a great dad to him. They have a great relationship that sometimes I forget to be thankful for. He is going to a new school this year and I am having a hard time in my heart about it. Letting go of my ideas, of my dreams for him, of my past, that he may succumb to the same messes I did. It's ironic really, he is going to the school that I went to and vowed none of my kids were EVER going to go there and I would never step foot in there again. God had a plan as I said those words and several months ago I put both feet into the office and registered my son.
God spoke to me several years ago that I would be somehow a light to this place...I never thought through my son he would do it. i am struggling and raw and broken up. But i know deep in my heart that God's plan is good and He is good. It's telling it to my momma heart right now that i 'm struggling. it's like a grieving process that i am going through and old wounds are opening up. But through this i am seeing God and his graciousness that he is applying to my brokeness. I didn't think there was anymore in this area, but God is full of wonder and I just didn't see it coming. I had a birthday party for Tatum last weekend. He will be 12 on the 7th and will be at his dad's that day.
it's hard because I have at times felt like i shouldn't dwell on his birth or talk about it too much because he's not my husband's. But when he came into my life that September 7th at 5:59 something in me wanted to pursue a better life for him. it brought me to people who knew the lord, my life changed, and so did his. What a beautiful thing that God takes brokeness and turns it into beauty. it's never how we think and never when we think. But when it comes, its like rolling clouds at sunrise and it hits them just right and produces amazing colors. Or coming out of the water and gulping the air because you couldn't hold your breath any longer. i am letting go of my baby and welcoming a young man.
Letting go of dreams and allowing God His. Letting go of my own understanding and replacing it with His. Letting go of my past and believing that God's future for Tatum and myself is for His glory not our own. I am thanking God for this season...though the trials come and go I am learning to lift the hands and experiencing joy in the midst of it. What are you holding onto that God is asking you to release?
God spoke to me several years ago that I would be somehow a light to this place...I never thought through my son he would do it. i am struggling and raw and broken up. But i know deep in my heart that God's plan is good and He is good. It's telling it to my momma heart right now that i 'm struggling. it's like a grieving process that i am going through and old wounds are opening up. But through this i am seeing God and his graciousness that he is applying to my brokeness. I didn't think there was anymore in this area, but God is full of wonder and I just didn't see it coming. I had a birthday party for Tatum last weekend. He will be 12 on the 7th and will be at his dad's that day.
it's hard because I have at times felt like i shouldn't dwell on his birth or talk about it too much because he's not my husband's. But when he came into my life that September 7th at 5:59 something in me wanted to pursue a better life for him. it brought me to people who knew the lord, my life changed, and so did his. What a beautiful thing that God takes brokeness and turns it into beauty. it's never how we think and never when we think. But when it comes, its like rolling clouds at sunrise and it hits them just right and produces amazing colors. Or coming out of the water and gulping the air because you couldn't hold your breath any longer. i am letting go of my baby and welcoming a young man.
Letting go of dreams and allowing God His. Letting go of my own understanding and replacing it with His. Letting go of my past and believing that God's future for Tatum and myself is for His glory not our own. I am thanking God for this season...though the trials come and go I am learning to lift the hands and experiencing joy in the midst of it. What are you holding onto that God is asking you to release?
Have a great day!
Jaimie
No comments:
Post a Comment